|Baptized right after birth|
On this day, as I hold my 2.5 year old son, I feel his weight. I feel his breath on my neck. And I remember. In honor of all of those parents that are waiting to hold their baby, or that never got to, I am writing this.
Our son was 5 weeks early and was in the NICU for almost 2 months. It was a very Hard Season of Life. It was full of so many up and downs, and everything could change in an instant. I remember waiting to hold our baby. It felt like an eternity. He was so little. I also remember holding him for the first time. It was awkward, but it felt wonderful. I never wanted to let go. I wanted to feel his weight. I wanted to let him know that HE MATTERED and that I was never going to give up on him. I couldn't hold him long because he couldn't handle being out of the incubator for very long, but it was the first time I really felt like his mom instead of a bystander that just came to visit.
I remember everything that the nurses and doctors taught us. I remember just staring at him through the clear incubator. I remember how happy we were when he finally could be in room air. When his little body was big enough to hold it's own temperature and we could touch him. I remember.
|First time holding our son|
|Our view for about a month|
I want you to know that your time in the NICU will change who you are. Whether it was a few days or a few months, it will affect you. You will speak different (actual vs. adjusted age). You will remember your time there. You will want to hold your baby more. You will realize just how precious life is. You will want to treasure every moment of your time with your baby. You may hate your life at this moment and think it is not fair, but this is just a short time in the whole realm of things, and it will end soon.
I want you to just breath. Take a step back and let all of the stress just fade into the background. Just look at your baby. Just hold your baby. Or just remember your baby. Your baby matters. Your baby is precious. Your baby is perfect in God's eyes and came into this world at just the right moment. Remember that you are not alone and you can find support...or give support to someone else. Let's talk about it.
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