Sometimes we lose friends. Sometimes we gain friends. Some people want to be a part of our journey, some don't. And that's ok. We are all on a journey and sometimes it seems so hard to realize that and accept it.
I have many "friends" on Facebook and Google+. Some I know very well and have known forever, some I have never met but have become very close to because of the internet, and some I have never met and probably never will. I recently have had to come to terms with the fact that not everyone understands what we are going through because one of those close friends that I have known forever, has deleted me as a friend.
This is not the first time, and it probably won't be the last, but those are the ones that hurt the most. I wish that things were different. I wish we could hang out more. I wish we could talk more. I wish I could make them understand what it is like to be in my shoes.
This is our journey, and we are still trying to make sense of it. Realistically, I can't ask or expect anyone else to make sense of our journey when we don't even have it figured out. And they have their own journey that they are trying to figure out.
I never thought I would be a parent of a special needs kid. I never thought I would have to quit my job when we weren't financially ready to. I never thought farming would be so hard. I never thought I would know every different way to the hospital cafeteria. I never thought I would have to fight cancer. I never thought life would be this hard and this much of a struggle. I never thought that the system to help families like our was so broken and confusing.
I also never thought I could love this much. I never thought I was this strong. I never thought I would meet so many great and wonderful people. I never would have thought that I could have so much joy in my days. I never thought I could live every day in that moment. I never thought that I would consider myself one of the lucky ones, even through all the pain and worry. I never would have thought...
It still stings just a bit, knowing that someone I considered a friend doesn't even want to talk to me now. It hurts that they never came to me. It hurts that they never even tried to understand. I wish things were different for us, but I wouldn't change my life. There is a plan for all of this and I am not going to beg someone to be my friend whether it be online or in person. The people that want to understand and be in my life, will be. And I am grateful.